It is fact of life now that when you breakup there is the social media unfriending frenzy. It is probably a cathartic ritual for some, a little FU with every delete. The logical side of me knows this step is the best for both of us and allows each of us to move on freely, but the emotional side, which is currently in charge, hates each broken connection.
I was not ready for these additional virtual breakups, just like I wasn’t ready for the real dumping, however, my ex was able to get right on it.
Continue reading “It Has Arrived: The Social Media Purge”
I miss him and I miss our rituals. Tuesday night we always watched the reality show, Face Off. It was one of our “things.” Do I watch it alone? Do I give up the show? How long will it be before these old habits are broken?
I watched it, or I should say it was on in the background while my thoughts drifted. I already forgot who won.
“But it was only a long-distance relationship.”
“But you weren’t really together that long.”
“But you had doubts.”
“It could be worse.”
I hear myself, and a couple friends, say these things as if there is some qualifier on a relationship to justify feeling like crap when it is over. I am not exactly sure why my brain keeps trying to dismiss my feelings or force a rationalization on something that is in no way rational, but I would be happy if my brain would just shut up. All of these are true BUT I am still sad and I am still grieving a loss and it will take time to feel right again.
I hope my better future self does not try to qualify my inevitable future pain or the pain of others but just offers understanding and an ear.
Ugh. My brain hates me and is playing the most annoying songs ever. I created this awesome playlist on YouTube to share. And since I can’t figure out how to make that hyperlink stand out, I attached them here too. Welcome.
I find myself repeatedly asking “why” as if some narrator with a soothing voice, I pick Morgan Freeman, will calmly explain what happened and provide comfort. I keep wondering what I am going to do. I feel like I have never had such pain or loss or like I am the only person in the known universe who has ever had a breakup. I want to whinge and moan all over the interwebs until everyone knows my pain and somehow I become a meme…not a mean one though, something cute and funny maybe including a shark.
But the reality is I know I will survive, I know I am not the only person in pain, I am sure I am not even the only person dumped by text in the last 24 hours. This isn’t the end of the world it just sucks balls. Blah.
Continue reading “My Crappy Breakup, Cont.”
1) Tissues. I highly recommend Kleenex Ultra Soft. They are in fact ultra soft but also strong enough for nose blowing when your ugly cry face includes a runny nose. The square box is also perfect for tucking in the corner of your bed, your couch or wherever you are wallowing.
2) Garbage can. Disposal of above.
3) Water, lots and lots of water. Must keep hydrated.
4) Kitties or some other cuddly pet to head butt you randomly and distract you from wallowing.
5) Super comfy cloths. Obviously.
6) Pillows. Perfect for hugging or punching depending on the mood.
7) Friends and Family. I highly recommend a variety of listeners so that you do not wear out one as you process the same nonsense over and over. Also, it is important to have at least one that will listen and just say it sucks and another to provide some tough love when needed or humor when appropriate.
8) A journal. Sometimes it is best to write it all out.
9) Music. For me this is not doable yet since music reminds me of him, but at some point it will make me feel better.
Yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me…by text. It was sudden, it was harsh but most of all it was confusing. The last words he typed to me were “I’m not going to talk to you.” It was a punch to the gut, every single emotion I am capable of feeling flooded my brain all at once and I think I short-circuited. I actually barely remember what happened. I am overwhelmed with sadness and I feel lost.
I am so upset that I was not given the chance to even participate in my breakup, to get any answers to my questions or get any sense of closure. On one hand, I don’t understand how anyone can treat someone they love(d) this way, on the other, I know him so well I actually understand…I do not approve, but I understand him.
I felt compelled to send him an email, it was long but I obviously had a lot to say. I hope when I read it again later I said everything I meant to. I have no idea if he read it or not, I probably never will know but it made me feel better.