Forgiveness and Letting Go

It has been 5 week since my crappy breakup, in some ways it seems like an eternity, in others like it was yesterday.

I know I am not whole yet. I feel like I gave him a piece of me that he just threw away; I am hoping I have some latent amphibian DNA that will re-grow what I am missing. Existing when not feeling whole is a bit like going through the motions and not particularly joyous. Blah. But each day is a little better and at times I even forget.

I will feel whole again but it will take time and there is nothing I can do to make it happen faster. I wish I could, but I have found the more I try to control how I feel, the crazier it makes me feel. More than likely, it will happen so slowly I won’t even notice when it does.

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Today I Did Not Punch An Old Lady In The Face

My first thought this morning was a string of creative profanity followed by some half-hearted attempt at self-motivation. This was my first day at the earlier swim time and I forgot how early feels. Ugh morning! I mean sweet! I can’t wait to swim! I didn’t even bother to look at the weather and the ridiculously butt-numbing-cold temperature for fear I would lose the little motivation to which I was clinging.

I scraped off my car both inside and out, and slowly drove on the packed ice that was once a road; every stop and start was a slip sliding tractionless adventure.

I parked and started walking to the pool taking carefully placed baby steps to ensure I remained upright. My 2-block walk was filled with positive affirmations, praising myself for actually attempting to exist in this polar vortex of hell. Convincing myself this would be the best swim ever known to womankind. This day was going to be awesome and this swim was just the beginning of the awesomeness. By the time I arrived at the building, I was oozing positivity.

I walked into the locker room feeling motivated and ready to go when I turned the corner and saw HER. Shirley, the leader of the old lady coven that ruled the pool during this hour. Ugh. I had forgotten about SHIRLEY. Gossipy, cranky, nosy, bossy, SHIRLEY.

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In Praise of Swimming

I have been back in the pool now for a week and I am amazed at how quickly I have taken to it after my long absence. My muscles remember the moves and my hips provide that extra flotation preventing me from drowning no matter how slowly I swim. And boy do I swim slowly.

I love swimming at the Physical Therapy pool, the temperature is a comfy 92 degrees and I can reserve a lane for a whole hour. Breast stroke one way, back stroke back and a few side stroke laps now and again to add variety. Had I ever mastered that whole breathing aspect of the front crawl I would throw that in but I just swallow water and that is unpleasant.

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