It has been 5 week since my crappy breakup, in some ways it seems like an eternity, in others like it was yesterday.
I know I am not whole yet. I feel like I gave him a piece of me that he just threw away; I am hoping I have some latent amphibian DNA that will re-grow what I am missing. Existing when not feeling whole is a bit like going through the motions and not particularly joyous. Blah. But each day is a little better and at times I even forget.
I will feel whole again but it will take time and there is nothing I can do to make it happen faster. I wish I could, but I have found the more I try to control how I feel, the crazier it makes me feel. More than likely, it will happen so slowly I won’t even notice when it does.
Continue reading “Forgiveness and Letting Go”
My sudden and harsh breakup left me quite confused as I tried to piece together all of these contradictory bits of data into one complete theory that made sense. My brain would swirl and when I thought I had it all solved, I would remember something else that blew it all up thereby invalidating my hypothesis. Frustrating.
But now I understand, my breakup and my ex-boyfriend are scientific proof that multiverses exist.
Granted, my tiny brain is only capable of understanding the theory of multiverses on a conceptual level but that is perfect since it turns out I only understood my ex in theory as well.
So I get it. All of these conflicting truths are actually true at the same time. They exist in imperceptibly different universes simultaneously. Woah.
He loved me. He wasn’t in love with me. He was happy with me. He pursued another. He lied. He cheated. He didn’t want to hurt me. We are great friends. He wants me out of his life. All true. All at the same time.
And this simultaneous existence bent the laws of physics enough that it actually prevented me from seeing the truth. But each universe has its own truth so I guess I did see A truth just not the one existing in the universe I currently reside.
It makes so much sense now. Why the hell did I drop that advance physics class? Oh right, it was too early.
My hope now is to somehow escape my perceived universe to the space in between, the higher dimension, and enjoy a different view and the peace of the nothingness. Science, yo.