Swim Instructor: Omg,look at that a bruise on your shoulder! How did that happen?
::looks down, sees giant bruise for the first time::
Me: No idea.
Swim Instructor: You don’t seem concerned. I’d be freaking out.
Me: Meh. I have reached the age where I can’t worry about all the random bruises. I have to save my investigatory powers for remembering the word I was going to say or why I entered a room.

I need a readout system for my body. I want to push a button, beep bop deet do (yes, my readout will have sound) and instantly know the origin of unexplained bruises or body aches. I am willing to insert chips or matrix-like plugs if they are stylish or concealed in a top knot. An upgradable system with add-ons such as “why did I come in this room” or “what is on my grocery list” would be useful too.