My physiatrist treatment suggestions include:
– Botox injection
– Stop following the election and watching the debates
My election rage is ruining my neck!
Asides
Pilates Instructor: I consider you mostly normal now.
Inside Voice #1: Normal?!? WTF?!?
Inside Voice #2: Mostly?!? WTF ?!?
Me: I think that is a compliment, so thanks.
Swim Instructor: Omg,look at that a bruise on your shoulder! How did that happen?
::looks down, sees giant bruise for the first time::
Me: No idea.
Swim Instructor: You don’t seem concerned. I’d be freaking out.
Me: Meh. I have reached the age where I can’t worry about all the random bruises. I have to save my investigatory powers for remembering the word I was going to say or why I entered a room.
Swim Instructor: Were you thinking about your butt?
Me: God no, never.
Swim Instructor: Well it was doing exactly what it was supposed to!
Me: I have been dragging it around for over 50 years, ’bout time it was useful.
I need a readout system for my body. I want to push a button, beep bop deet do (yes, my readout will have sound) and instantly know the origin of unexplained bruises or body aches. I am willing to insert chips or matrix-like plugs if they are stylish or concealed in a top knot. An upgradable system with add-ons such as “why did I come in this room” or “what is on my grocery list” would be useful too.
If I didn’t know better, I would swear these turnips in my stew were actual potatoes. But I do know better. Gross.
Making my second run to the grocery store because I don’t posses proper recipe reading skills. Less annoying than the second trip to the grocery store yesterday because I forgot my money. How can I top this tomorrow?
At 5am all animals, especially birds in the hood and cats who think they are starving despite a perfectly good bowl of dry food, suck.
sugar TANTRUM 