As happens too often, I woke up this morning with a clear realization: I was the reason for our breakup. It wasn’t because he did not want anything long-distance, or that he couldn’t handle a relationship right now, or any of the other reasons I wish could be the case. He did not want a relationship with me, specifically me, so much so he barely remembered to tell me before he moved on.
This thought just smacked me across the face. It took me a while to acknowledge it, but here it is, it is all about me. For once maybe my narcissism is valid.
I let it sink in, I walked for a bit to get the blood flowing so my brain had the proper nourishment for swirling and when I was done I determined it sucks, but it’s fine. It has to be. I can’t change the situation. I am not going to change who I am and wouldn’t if I actually could.
Continue reading “It’s Was Me. It’s Was Him. It’s Was Us.”
Well crap! I forgot about Google+ during the social media unfriending frenzy.
I was looking at my circles trying to organize them better to help make the site more useful when I remembered we were still connected and I should probably rectify that. I went to remove him but he had already taken care of it. I was a bit puzzled by this since he never used the site other than for our nightly video “Hangout” sessions. His picture was different too. Odd.
Then I noticed a new chick face in his tiny circle list, it was like my eyeballs were lasers and went straight to the picture. My mind began racing. I looked at his Facebook page, same face added the day he booted me. We have not even been broken up a week, as a matter of fact I just flew back from visiting him last Wednesday, and he already has a new whatever. I have no idea who she is to him, I want to think she is a friend but…
I remembered seeing something odd in my FB feed before I went to visit him; he had “liked” a random bakery from some town in Alabama. It seemed really random and out of place. I forgot about it until now. I looked at that page and there was the same chick face, she is the owner.
My heart sank even further. My mind is a swirling mess.