I keep asking myself how I got in this funk and so far I have no short answer.
I took some time to write about the events of the last several years and really there was no great tragedy, not one particular thing but an aggregate of events I am perfectly equipped to handle and didn’t. (NO YOU DIDN”T) I feel like such a whiner. (YES) I am trying hard to not beat myself up over this (GOOD LUCK) but that is hard. I am glad I wrote it down so I can acknowledge where I am in my life now but I need to look forward, shake this off and hopefully identify a few ways to prevent a repeat. (BLAH BLAH BLAH) Go me! (YES, GO YOU)
I have a habit of tucking things I do not want or do not feel capable of dealing with in little boxes in my brain. I think I will get to them someday but someday never comes. (LIKE THAT CCR TUNE) I think this was a helpful survival skill when I was young, but now that I am older (ALMOST 50 EVEN) it is more harmful than helpful. As the boxes build up or overflow, it becomes harder to ignore and I get stuck. I think of it like the Containment Unit in Ghostbusters and my subconscious is that nasty Walter Peck who shuts it down and all the nasty ooze escapes to wreck havoc. (UM, OKAY)
So I slipped into a rut, nothing specific really led me to it but now it is time to move forward and climb out of it.