When will it be safe to go to the grocery store on the weekend and not have the devil’s drug pusher gang of girl scouts there hawking their cookies?
In related news, I JUST figured out that Cruella de Vil’s last name spells DEVIL. That is so clever!
Category: Dorktastic
Kitty just reminded me with a four-paw kick to my back that my most important job once he gets up from his second afternoon nap is to hold him and pet him until *HE* is done. Noted.
At The Gym
Gym Lady: Wow! Your face is so red, did you walk here? (As she puts on a white fur hat larger than a small child)
Me: Yes. (Good thing for us both it is not some contagious red-face disease.)
Gym Lady: OMG! You look so cold, how long was the walk?
Me: Just 7 blocks. (I lied, it is 6 and the “just” makes me sound rugged. I began peeling off all the stupid layers)
Gym Lady: You are an inspiration!
Me: (hahahahahahahaha) Well I tell myself I will be happy I came once I am home and warm. (Which will be true if I stop for beer and nachos on the way home…or cake)
Gym Lady: Have a great swim.
Me: You too. (Oops, that makes no sense, she is leaving in her giant hat. Friendly people confuse me.)
With
my superior construction skills, I made a cardboard cat cave. Minutes of fun on the way.
#cat
Wandering Thoughts
When I am out walking, I my thoughts often drift to the mysteries of life. Today’s thought topic: Can my eyeballs freeze?
They must be able to freeze, but it is surprising they haven’t done so already. Are my glasses helping block cold or keep it locked in? Do my eyelids have super heating properties? If so, why do my eyes not steam when I blink? Would my eyeballs freeze before or after my nose fell off? Wish my butt would freeze off. If I sneeze really hard are my eyes more or less likely to blow out of the socket in the cold? Do they experience shrinkage? Could my frozen eyeballs be reconstituted if thawed properly? If people chop off their heads for cryogenics, will they be using the same eyeballs when science advances enough to bring them back? An eyeball crawling toward me would be super creepy and make an awesome horror movie. Attack of the killer eyeball! Not sure how it would murder but it would be gross. What is that goobery stuff in the corner of my eye? Why can’t my glasses stay on my nose properly? The Jerk was a funny movie. All I need is this chair…
And just like that my walk was over….
Swim Coach: Are you Norwegian?
Me: No. (as I fiddle once again with my swim cap)
Swim Coach: Really? Norwegians have a larger head circumference so I assumed you were.
Sigh.
At The Gym
No. No. No. No. No! You can not clip your toe nails in the gym locker room!
In the unlikely scenario where emergency toe nail clipping is required, you better take precaution to prevent shrapnel.
Toe Stubbing
And the winner for lifetime achievement in toe stubbing goes to ME!! According to the presentation, my knack for drawing blood and purple toe nails is what set me apart from others. I plan on accepting the award once my big toe stops bleeding which could be days away.
I thought I saw a giant muppet running toward me as I crossed Hennepin in Uptown. As he got closer, I realized it was just a dude in a hooded, puffy, blue coat and white goggles with a thick cheese sandwich wedged in his mouth. Shrug.
Fetch With A Kitty
Kitty
waiting to play his 2nd favorite game, “kinda sorta fetch”
1) he finds shedding toy, drops on bed, howls until I finally join him
2) I throw it
3) he runs like mad, returns, drops toy on bed
4) I throw it
5) he runs like mad, returns without toy and meows until I go get it
6) I go get it, return, I throw it
7) he runs like mad and goes off to do something else
8) I get bored, clean shedding toy bits off bed then go do something else too
9) kitty finally returns, annoyed I did not wait indefinitely
Repeat.
sugar TANTRUM 