Swim Instructor: Omg,look at that a bruise on your shoulder! How did that happen?
::looks down, sees giant bruise for the first time::
Me: No idea.
Swim Instructor: You don’t seem concerned. I’d be freaking out.
Me: Meh. I have reached the age where I can’t worry about all the random bruises. I have to save my investigatory powers for remembering the word I was going to say or why I entered a room.
Last night I had a horrible dream that I was being slowly killed by giant scented candles. It was like a Bond movie replacing the sharks and lasers with rows and rows of candles sucking the oxygen out of the air. Coconut-scented hair conditioner and Canadian wild fires can really mess with the mind.
My lips never look as full and luscious as they do in the aftermath of an allergic reaction. :*O
Swim Instructor: I think it is time to work on the freestyle.
Me: Nope. Ummmmm. Maybe?
Swim Instructor: So what are you hesitant about?
Me: Breathing. Choking. Drowning. Being hauled out of here in an ambulance. And if I don’t die, finding a new gym that is close and reasonably priced where people don’t know the story of the drowning old lady.
Swim Instructor: Lets just focus on the breathing.
Swim Instructor: Were you thinking about your butt?
Me: God no, never.
Swim Instructor: Well it was doing exactly what it was supposed to!
Me: I have been dragging it around for over 50 years, ’bout time it was useful.
Swim Instructor: Your kick, while aesthetically pleasing, does very little.
Me: That is the goal, right? We still live in America don’t we?
Lady in Whirlpool: Are you in Psychiatry? (after telling me the detailed history of her left knee)
Lady in Whirlpool: Wow, you seem so calm.
Me: Hmm. (inner voice A: that is just my disinterest. inner voice B: ::hysterical laughter::)
Lady in Whirlpool: Blah, blah, brace, blah, doctor………..