Swim Instructor: Omg,look at that a bruise on your shoulder! How did that happen?
::looks down, sees giant bruise for the first time::
Me: No idea.
Swim Instructor: You don’t seem concerned. I’d be freaking out.
Me: Meh. I have reached the age where I can’t worry about all the random bruises. I have to save my investigatory powers for remembering the word I was going to say or why I entered a room.

Ugh. Freestyle.

Swim Instructor: I think it is time to work on the freestyle.
Me: Nope. Ummmmm. Maybe?
Swim Instructor: So what are you hesitant about?
Me: Breathing. Choking. Drowning. Being hauled out of here in an ambulance. And if I don’t die, finding a new gym that is close and reasonably priced where people don’t know the story of the drowning old lady.
Swim Instructor: Lets just focus on the breathing.

Whirlpool Conversation

Lady in Whirlpool: Are you in Psychiatry? (after telling me the detailed history of her left knee)
Me: Ahh…no.
Lady in Whirlpool: Wow, you seem so calm.
Me: Hmm. (inner voice A: that is just my disinterest. inner voice B: ::hysterical laughter::)
Lady in Whirlpool: Blah, blah, brace, blah, doctor………..