My new shoes! My Star Wars Vans are jealous. Thanks to my friends and family who sent various messages and posts about these babies. It is like you know I like Jaws and sharks!
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Category: Dorktastic
Swim Instructor: Omg,look at that a bruise on your shoulder! How did that happen?
::looks down, sees giant bruise for the first time::
Me: No idea.
Swim Instructor: You don’t seem concerned. I’d be freaking out.
Me: Meh. I have reached the age where I can’t worry about all the random bruises. I have to save my investigatory powers for remembering the word I was going to say or why I entered a room.
Crazy Dreams
Last night I had a horrible dream that I was being slowly killed by giant scented candles. It was like a Bond movie replacing the sharks and lasers with rows and rows of candles sucking the oxygen out of the air. Coconut-scented hair conditioner and Canadian wild fires can really mess with the mind.
Gear Up!
My face in all that crap will be haunting a swimming pool near you. Sorry in advance.
My lips never look as full and luscious as they do in the aftermath of an allergic reaction. :*O
Ugh. Freestyle.
Swim Instructor: I think it is time to work on the freestyle.
Me: Nope. Ummmmm. Maybe?
Swim Instructor: So what are you hesitant about?
Me: Breathing. Choking. Drowning. Being hauled out of here in an ambulance. And if I don’t die, finding a new gym that is close and reasonably priced where people don’t know the story of the drowning old lady.
Swim Instructor: Lets just focus on the breathing.
Swim Instructor: Were you thinking about your butt?
Me: God no, never.
Swim Instructor: Well it was doing exactly what it was supposed to!
Me: I have been dragging it around for over 50 years, ’bout time it was useful.
Swim Instructor: Your kick, while aesthetically pleasing, does very little.
Me: That is the goal, right? We still live in America don’t we?
Whirlpool Conversation
Lady in Whirlpool: Are you in Psychiatry? (after telling me the detailed history of her left knee)
Me: Ahh…no.
Lady in Whirlpool: Wow, you seem so calm.
Me: Hmm. (inner voice A: that is just my disinterest. inner voice B: ::hysterical laughter::)
Lady in Whirlpool: Blah, blah, brace, blah, doctor………..
Thanks Mountain Dew for this freakin’ nightmare.
sugar TANTRUM 