“Let It Go” Can Suck It

It is a special kind of torture when you are at a point in your life when you must tell yourself to “let it go” repeatedly and there is a catchy, uber popular Disney song by the same name playing everywhere. Torture.

I have never heard the entire tune, have not seen the movie but I am tormented by the refrain. Maybe if I see the movie I will finally release myself from its musical grasp, but I am having trouble confronting my fear.

I try to tell myself to “let it be” or “don’t worry, be happy” or even “shut up” but I fail and the song worms into my brain. It is ironic that a tune about letting go, won’t let go of my inner music channel. Torture.

I wish I were one of those people that could put something behind them and move on quickly. Me, I mostly do but there is always this remnant that swirls about until one day it miraculously evaporates and fades from memory as if it had never been a thing at all. If only that could happen sooner and on command I would be a bit more at peace.

Side note: this process is true of everything but my resentment for my mother and her pet killing/giving away tendencies. No matter what I try, I have never been able to fully let that go as evidenced by a recent unexpected outburst. I probably need to let go of the notion that I can let that go.

Right now the swirling is about a friend, also an ex-boyfriend, who sometimes is a total inconsiderate tool. I am annoyed. What I am annoyed about is not worth putting down on paper yet thinking about it makes my jaw clench, my eyes squint and my stomach floppy…and my head full of profanity. I am torn between my desire to write a long detailed explanation of my anger to him and the resolve that it would not matter or change anything. It never has.

I remind myself that people make time for what they care about and what their priorities are not for my expectations and the only thing I can control is my response. I tell myself to accept people as they are, not how I wish they would be. I ask myself if this will even matter in a year, a month or a few weeks. I reluctantly admit that I have not mastered the force and I do not control the Universe even though I really should because things would suck so much less for us all, well maybe not people I get annoyed with.

Ultimately, I tell myself to let it go and then suffer through that damn song swirling in my head along with the various remnant thoughts that just won’t give me a break. Torture.

Something In Common

Nearly all of my favorite songs, and others I don’t even like much, have a specific image imprinted in my brain and when I hear the tune that image immediately flashes. Sometimes it is as simple as a color, other times it is a vivid scene from my past. “Something In Common” always invoked a distinct image of the day in Philadelphia when I first met my ex-boyfriend. It has always been a happy image but now it seems my subconscious is trying to to make me sick of it as this song has been playing in my mind for about 20 hours now. No matter what tune is playing in the outside world, my brain is spinning this. Stupid brain.

I first saw Free Energy live at SXSW in 2010, then later in the fall at the 400 Bar (RIP 400 Bar, your new location at MOA just won’t be the same) and finally a third time that year in Philadelphia, their adopted hometown after members moved from Minneapolis. This video is reminiscent of each time I saw them in these tiny bars. I am hoping if I play it enough today, my brain DJ will finally relent.

 

 

 

My New Old Jam

I have always had a special place in my musical heart for Camper Van Beethoven from the first time I saw them open for R.E.M. to the later tours at First Avenue. David Lowery went on to form the equally loved band Cracker and he is probably one of the top 5 musicians I have seen most often live. While CVB’s “Take The Skinheads Bowling” was the tune I first loved and became a regular on my college radio show, “Ambiguity Song” is on the most playlists and is a song that resonates with me in times of uncertainty…it is once again my jam.

The video is pointless, just posted here for the tune.