Before my last visit to see him, I hurt me knee. I already felt gross, cold, sick of winter and now my knee hurt. Great. I really was not in the mood to travel but I also wanted to see him.
Things had felt off for a while, he was busy working more and more, had started to talk less, email less and just seemed distracted. I asked repeatedly if he wanted me to come and he did. I asked repeatedly if things were okay with us and he assured me all was well. I assumed when we were together we would get in sync again.
But the Universe tried to tell me that was not going to be the case.
My flight was cancelled due to a big snowstorm. I moved my flight a second time due to overbooking. I had a shredded tire on the way to the airport and had to leave my car in a random parking lot for a tow truck to hopefully show. My electronic boarding pass didn’t work. I was stuck behind a slow family with electronics tucked in every crevice of every bag in the security line. I got extra pat downs. I ran into the men’s bathroom. But I made it to the gate in time and off I went.
I was really excited to see him, and he showed up in the silly tie I had sent him but it took a while to get the conversation flowing. I wrote it off to my stress and enjoyed out visit until the very last night when it was obvious something was wrong and I never asked. Why didn’t I ask?!?
When I got home the Universe continued to taunt me. My car wasn’t ready. The locks were changed on our building and no one was around to provide a new one. I was tired and cranky so I didn’t talk to him that night…or ever again.
The Universe tried to give me a hint that all was not well, I even joked about it, but I wasn’t listening. Had I been more in touch maybe we could have talked, maybe I could have gotten some answers or we could have parted ways in a less harsh manner. I will never know, probably always wonder and then try to talk myself out of feeling regret because nothing good can come of it.
sugar TANTRUM 