Something woke me early the other morning. Maybe a disturbance in the force was to blame. I woke up feeling off and really anxious. I pulled out the trusty laptop and began tapping. Having so little information about my crappy breakup, I felt this compulsion to start digging around that would not be stopped. I see my ex is listening to tunes about love. He posted a new picture I can’t see. He has a new like.
I took a breath and clicked on the new chick face he had friended the day he unfriended me. She looked his type, unlike me. As I skimmed the page I got a sense she had lots of friends, good taste in music, liked makeup, had fun, seemed nice, open, gushy even. I wanted to hate her but there was nothing to hate; I could see why he would be interested in her.
Then I noticed a picture and it took my breath away. There in gummy bears was her name spelled out with a heart underneath. Spelled out on the same sheets I had slept on less than 3 weeks ago. Sigh. There was no fooling myself; she was not merely a friend.
What killed me the most, is that he had done nearly the same thing for me when we first met and I had recently mentioned how much I had loved the gesture. Me, I got gross Swedish Fish though. As a final insult, he even mentioned in his comment it was good he did not use Swedish Fish as her name is too long. I felt that same gut punch all over again. He recycled a lovely romantic gesture for another and I wanted to vomit.
The logical part of my brain, currently in the minority, knows I might be making too much of this but it just feels gross.
Who recycles something like that? Is that a guy thing? Was I putting meaning into something that never existed? How many stupid candy names had he written out to make some ridiculous girl feel special? Serial candy name speller! I felt so stupid for even letting this bother me, after all I was the moron who looked but when you feel you have no answers sometimes the lure is too great to not click.
As my mind raced, I began to think of the other things he had done for me. I bet all the playlists he made for me will be shared with her soon. It just sucks. Also sucking is that he has been listening to what I consider “our song”…I hope that isn’t theirs now too.
For a moment anger came over me. I wanted to join their little convo and mention it was cuter than the time he did it for me, must be all the practice. Of course I didn’t. I am not a total loon. I don’t think.
The missing piece of the puzzle was found. I knew there was more to the story than the one he let me believe and here it was, he had found my replacement. Now I was in a spiral of trying to figure out the timing, I know he had connected with her before he dumped me, but was it casual or was it more than that. I am sure I will never know so I must let that go. For now, I think I will get a bag of gummy bears, bite their heads off and murder each and every one.
sugar TANTRUM 