I have a strong urge to do something I would absolutely tell anyone else not to do: emailing my ex.
The committee in my brain cannot reach a consensus as to the appropriateness of this action. Each voice is making a strong case for doing it, not doing it, or going shopping, which is really off topic.
Pros: I want to have a connection of some kind, I want him to know I forgive him, I want to apologize for a few things I did.
Cons: He wants you erased from his life and it is called breaking up for a reason, he doesn’t care about your forgiveness or silly apologies.
Shopping: You need stuff.
My gut is saying go for it reminding me I tend to regret what I do not do or say much more than what I actually do or say. My gut is all DO IT! My gut is loud and obnoxious.
My heart is unsure and abstained from the voting or providing any input.
I want him to acknowledge he received it and tell me he doesn’t hate me and that someday we can try that friendship stuff. I need to be okay with getting no reply at all or getting one that tells me to f**k off. Not sure I can be ready for that one though.
I have written the email, reread it too many times and I guess now I will just ponder.
I am so stinking jealous of normal humans that can just move forward without all this swirling nonsense. They are probably the same people that can glide across the ice without falling on their butts. Hate em.