I have been wallowing and melancholy all day, it is hard knowing I am so easily and quickly replaced. Then I started to remember when we first met, the butterflies, the excitement when I would get a message or get to talk to him. It was so fun, so exciting. Staying up late at night I could barely function the next day, but I did not mind. Being coy, not willing to share too much, to stay at a pace that was in sync with his. I don’t want to lose those memories or dismiss anything because he lied and replaced me with a new love interest.
Of course he needed to cut me out of his life, how else can he experience that giddy fun of exploring a potential new love? Not with the old love lurking about, maybe making him feel a tad guilty. It sucks for me, but I get it.
Maybe it will be true love for them. I wasn’t the right fit, maybe she is. In my most generous moments I hope so; I hope he is happy. Just like I want the team that beats mine to win the Super Bowl, I want the girl that ousted me to be his true love…who can fight true love.
Of course, I have fleeting moments where I hope it implodes quickly and he comes back to me and admits he made a horrible mistake because I am beyond awesome and he is a moron and I agree and leave him in the dust. But those are fleeting. Despite everything and all the heartache, I want him to be happy.
Someday I hope I can find someone who makes me feel that way again and who never ever, ever writes my name in candy and sends me a photo. Someone who makes me feel special and I can do the same for him. I learned so much about myself; I look forward to trying again. Someday. Not today