Exhausted last night from my whopping one beer, a Surly Cynic which by the way is mighty tasty, guacamole and freezing walk around Lake Calhoun, I decided to head to bed early.
I was sleeping soundly, probably snoring but as I am alone who really cares, when I was awoken by a loud crash. I had no idea what the hell was going on. Both of my cats were now on top of me and staring at the door. I remained frozen, unsure if anything had actually happened or maybe I had been dreaming…really loud dreams.
Suddenly, there was a banging on my door, three or four loud hits with something other than a fist. Then the banging continued down the hall. I still remained frozen, and was completely baffled as to why neither cat had moved. No living being in this place has any flight or fight instinct, we freeze and hope what is coming after us is a T-Rex and can’t see us unless we move.
My cats were looking at me, then turning to the door, then back at me. I was hoping one of them would go investigate and I am sure they were thinking the same of me. I started to imagine every possible scenario of what kind of beast was awaiting on the other side of what now seemed like a really thin door.
I finally moved enough to find my phone, yes I sleep with my damn phone, and held it in my hand not sure if I should call 911 or use it to defend myself from what I was certain was some kind of hell beast coming to take me home. I focused on my breathing, trying to not move too much so the T-Rex hell beast could not find me. One cat moved, luckily it is the one I don’t like as much so that was cool.
Eventually, I heard a scuffle and saw the reflection of the twirling lights of cop cars. I held on my phone tighter and finally fell back asleep. I decided if it was a hell beast, I can’t put up a fight so take me while I am sleeping. If it was a human, I am sure the cops have it under control. If it was a T-Rex, that would be sweet, I always wanted a T-Rex with their cute stubby arms!
Leaving this morning was a bit nerve-racking; I had no idea what awaited me outside my door. Possibly there was a dead body; maybe the hell beast took someone else in error. I looked through the peephole, which was useless and then slowly opened to find all was clear.
As I emerged, so did a neighbor and we compared stories. Another neighbor came along who had actually talked to the cops and he gave us the official story that a dude with a pipe broke in by shattering the front windows, damaged a bunch of doors including mine but was apprehended and carted off to jail along with the 3 other randoms that broke into the next door building. While that is the official story, I remain unconvinced that it was not a hell beast as it was really, really loud.
Our conversation continued discussing the hood and all the recent changes. So many buildings have gone up this year and while one would think all these extra people in our before undiscovered corner of the city would be awesome, it is difficult to deal with the traffic congestion and all these annoying people!
Eventually, the conversation bored me and I was off to enjoy the day, ever on the look out for hell bests of course.