As much as I hate losing my boyfriend, I hate losing my friend. It is really hard to not have him in my life. It is the little things, the day-to-day rituals that seem to be the hardest to let go. Things pop in my mind and I want to tell him or send him a note, but I can’t. He is gone.
I know it would not be healthy to try to be friends right now while I am still reeling from the sudden break, but to never talk to him again makes me so sad. Also, we have tried to be friends before but that didn’t work very well due to a lack of honesty on his part and lingering feelings on mine. But still, how can he no longer be in my life? Hardy seems fair or right.
I remind myself that we do not know what the future holds. Maybe some day, when the time is right, we will connect again. Maybe in time I will no longer desire his friendships. Maybe I will finally master The Force. Who knows? But I have to stop worrying about NEVER and just focus on now.